A talk in the coffee shop!

[citizenmike]

"Not quite.", Veronica replied as she sipped her coffee. "What do you happen to mean by 'beat'?"

[cyansky]

Kiel grinned.

"You know what I mean. For humans? Easy. Cut their skin, bash them against the ground, break their bones, make them scream in pain... until every single bone in their body is broken and they're crying for mercy. That's what I did to an unfortunate fellow a while back when he mistook Syl for a vulnerable young lady."

It sipped its orange juice.

"That man never walked again."

It mentally cuckled to itself. What it failed to mention that Kiel had orchestrated the whole deal. It had dressed Syl up as a girl, sent it walking the streets at night, and until a would-be rapist, pimp or murderer showed up. When such a person showed up to take advantage of its sibling, Kiel ambushed him, quickly beat him to a pulp and looted him. Worked every time. With a little more planning on Kiel's part, they also had eluded the authorities, but barely.

[citizenmike]

Kiel was unraveling to be quite a complex individual, his twisted view of humanity logically made sense, from a certain point of view.

Veronica's expression never changed as she asked him, "So, let me get this straight. As opposed to talking things through when someone approaches you with a sexual proposition, you would rather beat that person instead of... I don't know.", Veronica shrugged. "Reasonably talking things through?"

[cyansky]

Kiel chuckled.

"I normally try to be civil, but there are some people out there that just can't be negotiated with. 'Sides, at the time I was rather concerned for Syl's safety, because we didn't have any allies then, asides from each other."

Syl pulled on Kiel's scarf.

"You... really did that to protect me?"

"I'll do anything to protect you," replied Kiel, looking at the orange juice in its glass, "I defend my actions. He was a sick, twisted pervert who lived on prostitutes and child porn, scammed people out of their money and was just a nuisance to society. I would never let someone like him touch you, Syl."

Kiel turned its gaze back to Veronica, scowling.

"Besides, even if I did negotiate with him, it would have involved me sleeping with him!"

It sipped its orange juice, and its pleasant smile returned once again. Syl tugged on Kiel's scarf again.

"What?" asked Kiel.

Syl giggled, covering with mouth shyly.

"Um, Kiel?" it said slowly. "Have you ever had sex with a man?"

Kiel threw its head back and laughed. It ruffled Syl's hair and grinned at it as Syl sipped its orange juice.

"Syl, don't be silly. Why the hell would I want to sleep with a human male?! They all have sausages and two eggs dangling between their legs. They're known as penises and testicles. Must be uncomfortable for them... no wonder why they're so irritable!"

Syl giggled, then burst into laughter. It then looked at Kiel with curiosity gleaming in its eyes.

"Really? Do you eat them? What do they taste like?"

"Chicken noodle soup without the noodles," replied Kiel, giving it a wicked grin, "I heard that it's a delicacy on some worlds! Really good. I've heard it it tastes best when taken from young virgin men."

Syl grinned, temporarily forgeting that Veronica, a human, was sitting right in front of it. It was so caught up with Kiel, and Kiel knew it.

"Really, Kiel? Did you try it?"

"Yes."

"Really?!"

Kiel laughed again.

"No."

There was a pause. At first Syl look confused, and then it clicked. It figured it out. Suddenly, both Syl and Kiel burst into laughter at the same time, the sound echoing throughout the building.

[citizenmike]

Veronica began to laugh, surprised at all the things she was hearing. Veronica sipped her coffee and said, "You're outlook on humanity may very well be twisted, but sense of humor is wonderful. Which leads me to this question, if you could have your way, sexually, with any gender, which one would it be? Forget about the specifics, say you fancied them."

[cyansky]

Kiel looked at Veronica, then at Syl, then Veronica again.

"What? My look on humanity is perfectly logical and reasonable. It's been in the works for years!"

It gave her a confident smirk.

"And thank you for the compliment there! I love humour; the world needs more of it, really. As for..."

"Which leads me to this question, if you could have your way, sexually, with any gender, which one would it be? Forget about the specifics, say you fancied them."

Kiel's face paled.

"What in the world? Veronica, I wouldn't have a man because they have sausages and eggs between their legs, and because they're all hairy and all sex-driven and fans of porn! And women bleed once a month and make all sorts of drama when they realize they're pregnant! They go through all these emotions, all these cravings... it's just ridiculous..."

It waved its hand at her.

"Bah, one girl I was acquainted with said she had a raving for supremely sweetened fried chocolate cake-flavoured dragon chicks of finest quality. Another wanted this holy-flavoured priest on a pogo stick holding a Hello Kitty umbrella lollipop. Another had this strange craving for the lipstick of her lesbian friend. Pregnant women are crazy. They make their mates run halfway around the world for what they want! I can't get women pregnant, but that still dosen't encourage sexual relationships with them, as I've found that a surprising amount of women noways are whiny, grouchy, cruel, uncaring... eh... I'll pass. Having those pineapples on their chests are wierd too. They all just jiggle around and for some reason men ogle at them."

It chuckled.

"I only wonder how many men have stared at your chest now Veronica? Think that men love pineapple shaped blobs of flesh more than their fascination with power and projectile motion? I've come across some men that professed that... or something along those lines."

Kiel, of course was fully aware that it couldn't get women pregnant not because it was sterile, but because it didn't have any sex organs to begin with. Hence their androgynous appearance and hence why they didn't have an attraction to either gender.

"Hmm..." thought Kiel, "now what does that leave?"

It looked at Syl, and Syl looked at it back. They sat staring at each other for a long while, and then looked away.

"Kiel... if you..."

"Please don't say it, Syl," said Kiel nervously. "Don't say it."

It turned to Veronica.

"If I could have my way with anyone sexually," said Kiel, "I'd pick someone from my own species. Heh. If such a deed was physically possible."

It started drinking its orange juice in an effort to avoid saying more, hoping that Veronica didn't catch onto that. Truth was, if Kiel could have sex with any gender, it would pick gender-neutral beings just like themselves, of the same species. Specifically, it knew exactly who to pick, but it dared not tell Veronica. Human morals were so annoying.

[citizenmike]

"Pineapples?!", Veronica suddenly muttered. "Bleeding once a month?... I'm sorry, but I don't think I've heard anyone, including men, for all their damn worth, talk about women like that..."

"Kiel", Veronica began with a slight hint reason in her voice. "Exactly what kind of people did you associate yourself with on Earth?"

[cyansky]

Kiel grinned.

"If you've never heard men talk about women like that, then you should get some sun! Men make crude sex jokes all of the time, and they chew on women's breasts because they like the taste of lactating pineapples! That still makes me wonder why your boyfriend hasn't asked you to show more cleavage... Some seen how some men make their leadies walk the streets almost naked."

It paused to sip its orange juice.

"As for your second question, that's a dead easy one!" it said happily, "I'd associate myself with Syl!"

It set its glass down and ruffled Syl's hair.

"Because Syl's the best sibling ever!"

Syl giggled and hugged Kiel again.

"That's great Kiel! You're the best sibling too!"

It buried its head into Kiel scarf, grinning and squeezing Kiel. Kiel ruffled Syl's hair again and grinned.

"Thanks," it said as it turned back to Veronica, "Syl and I were almost inseperable in the past. We did everything together!"

[citizenmike]

"What I meant was that I don't think I have ever heard anyone call a woman's breast a 'pair of lactating pineapples' and say something that degrading. Granted, I know men talk, and they can be quite vulgar, but I've never heard any man talk about women the way you just did."

Veronica smiled at the sight of the affection between Syl and Kiel. "You two are quite sweet to each other, but I have to ask. How do you know all this when the most Earthly contact you've had was Syl?"

[cyansky]

"You two are quite sweet to each other, but I have to ask. How do you know all this when the most Earthly contact you've had was Syl?"

“Ah, so that was what you meant!” said Kiel, “oh, that’s an easy one! While I spent a great deal of time with Syl, it wouldn’t make sense for us to be isolated when we are in need of resources such as water. Contacts and friends are good to have, you know. So I’ve pretty much associated myself and Syl with a whole bunch of different people.”

It smiled grimly. “You’d be surprised at the variety of people I’ve met but not necessarily known. I remember meeting pimps (gay or not), nutty professors, bikers, gangsters, fraudsters, con men, thieves, idiot teenagers, smart teenagers, bakers, priests, lawyers, bankers, salesmen, cosplayers, rabid fangirls, doctors of many specialties, including one for a condition with a ludicrously long name that I can’t remember called blablablablabla syndrome, perverts… even a man that tried to play golf in a lightning storm, another that had a fetish for young ladies in maid outfits holding candy canes and singing holiday songs and another that actually took joy in being humiliated. Some of them were really sick people.”

Kiel sipped its drink.

“Humans are crazy,” it said. “I remember meeting one who was literally so stupid that she went the long way through a dangerous road to her to her house rather than the shortcut, a man that electrocuted himself while trying to fix an outlet and another that got hoisted by his own petard. You know, blown up by his own bomb, all because he failed to read the instructions properly.”

It sighed and looked at Veronica, fully aware that she was human and that she was sitting in front of them.

“Ah, all the stupid things people do. I have this theory that humans have microscopic fire salamanders in their brains that causes them to melt as they grow older. As time passes by, their brain melts and suffers damage, resulting in their bodies and minds degenerating. That explains why old humans are mostly cranky, retarded nitwits who can’t even pee on their own. As for their other mental disorders, I think it’s because of human brains kill themselves in order to improve the gene pool because people with mental disorders are less viable mates. Or brain slugs. Or an electrical overload on part of their neurons. You know, a natural feature to improve the human species… but one that’s sparked an industry that at its core, thrives on people’s suffering. It may make people feel better, but sometimes it just adds to the problem when doctors and healers make mistakes and abuse their power, and when pharmaceutical companies make drugs with side-effects that need more drugs to deal with. Face it – if people didn’t suffer, there would be no healers and doctors. Isn’t that why your society encourages suffering in any way shape or form? So that the people in charge of ‘fixing’ the problems will make money? As in charities and corporations, for examples? Hence, gain from someone else’s problems. That’s what your society seems to revolve around. Sad, really. You’re sadists and masochists at the same time.”

It shook its head in dismay.

“You want to know how I know all this?” said Kiel. “From observation, from watching humanity with my own two eyes and from that of my friends… I’ve seen plenty of what humanity has to offer. From how humans inflict pain on one another and themselves, how they torment and kill their kindred for power, how they engage in bloody politics with a bloated sense of self-worth, how they take advantage of each other’s powers just to appease their sexual desires, how they enslave one another for personal gain… I’ve been in and out of it, always trying my best to support Syl. You can’t imagine the atrocities I’ve faced and the sacrifices I’ve made in doing so. But if Syl’s alive and happy, then it’s worth it.”

Syl grabbed Kiel’s scarf.

“That’s… Kiel! Veronica’s nice! I… I really like her! Please be nice to her! I appreciate you protecting me, but please… miss Veronica is…”

Kiel set down its glass and drew Syl closer.

“That’s what I’m doing. I’m answering her questions,” said Kiel, smiling, “even if she might not like the answers. Relax, Syl. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

Syl nodded.

“I’ll try.”

Kiel's smile grew wider.

"Good!"

Kiel then turned its attention back to Veronica.

“Any other questions?”

[citizenmike]

Veronica turned her head as she replied, "Keil, I feel sorry that you were exposed to the ugliness of humanity. I just hope that you learn that it is not everything when it comes to us. We have our beauty and that little tick that makes us special. But after listening to what you've been through, I can understand your jaded perception."

Veronica sipped her coffee and said, "Oh for your information, the reason people deteriorate as they age is on account of most senior citizens retiring. They stop working, when you stop working and exercising a muscle, it deteriorates, leaving the rest of the body to work harder in an attempt to bring the body back to its natural balance... Complex computers our bodies are.".

[cyansky]

Kiel nodded.

"Hmm... so that explains it," it said, "All living things eventually die and deteriorate, to continue the cycle of life and death. If they don't age physically, then they'll die by other means. It's only inevitable. What's surprising is that humans die deteriorating in every way imaginable - physically, mentally, socially..."

Syl tugged at its scarf again.

"Kiel?"

"Hmm?"

Syl closed its eyes as it set its head on Kiel's shoulder, clutching at its sibling's sleeve.

"Even us?"

Kiel nodded. When one worked for Azrael, one became accustomed to death, even that of other supernatural beings. Even those that claimed to be able to live forever. Reaping souls wasn't prancing in fields of daisies and sunshine... it involved going to places that no sane person would ever dare enter, all to retrieve a runaway soul. Kiel didn't fear death, but it wanted itself and Syl to survive, a desire they had ever since they started their adventures together... or perhaps even before that...

"... Everyone," said Kiel, “if someone doesn’t age physically, they’ll eventually die by other means.”

"Then... how old are we?"

Kiel's expression switched from being pleasant to shocked.

"Syl?! Why the hell would you ask something like that?!"

Syl shrugged.

"Curious."

Kiel slumped back in its chair.

"As usual."

"How old are we?"

"I'm older than you. You are... um..."

Kiel faltered. It fell silent for a few moments, then smiled pleasantly.

"I have no clue “

Syl’s eyes shot open. It looked at Kiel.

“What?! Kiel, you’re supposed to know that! At least approximately.”

Kiel shrugged.

“Eh, I forget. We’ve been around for so long that I’ve lost track of it.”

Syl sighed. Kiel’s smile grew wider. In reality it did have a basic idea of how old they were, but preferred not to reveal such information to Veronica.

“Relax, Syl. We have plenty of time together – many, many years,” it said cheerfully, finishing off a cup of orange juice and reaching for a second one, “relax and have fun, will you? We’re in a coffee shop, not a war zone. Don’t stress yourself over such little details such as age. Once you live long enough, calendars just lose their significance. They become like old, stinky socks by the next year, and discarding them year after year is just plain annoying. ‘Sides, there’s no way in hell that I’ll let a piece of paper or society in general determine my death day. We’re survivors, Syl, and I know that we’ll live for quite a while, so don’t worry about that…”

Syl stared at Kiel. Kiel patted it on the back and ruffled its hair.

“Now get drinking before your ultra-sweetened orange juice gets warm!”

Syl nodded and started to drink the last cup of orange juice, much to Kiel’s delight.

It turned to Veronica, sitting up leaning forward towards her, its elbows resting on the able. Now that it realized it, it liked her as well, although not as much as Syl, who absolutely adored her. It didn’t trust her, but she seemed nice enough. Kiel gave her a friendly grin, as it continued on.

“Well, you’re certainly unlike the bulk of humans I’ve met; I’ll give you credit for that. For coming from a species whose females are chronically moody and have pineapples on their chests and whose males have ugly wieners and jiggling eggs in between their legs, a general feeling of aggressiveness and superiority as well as testosterone overdose… you’re quite understanding. I applaud you, really. You don’t see a human like that on a regular basis. I am aware that not all humans are bad; my main complaint is the good ones are so damned hard to find.”

[citizenmike]

Veronica smiled and replied, "You are quite a charmer, Kiel and I'm gonna take what you said there as a complement." Veronica turned to Syl and said, "Kiel does have a point, Syl. You worry too much, dear."

[cyansky]

Syl groaned.

“I worry for a reason, Kiel.”

Kiel drew Syl close to it.

“You worry unnecessarily. I’ll always be here for you.”

Syl buried its face in Kiel’s scarf and closed its eyes. It was so soft… Syl sighed and tried to relax in it.

Kiel smiled at it.

“Always.”

It turned its attention back to Veronica.

“Well, I’m glad you do take that as a compliment, and I do thank you for complimenting me as well. I–”

“Kiel?” mumbled Syl.

Kiel looked at Syl, eyes widening.

“Syl?! I thought that you were…”

Syl looked up at Kiel.

“That reminded me… what does a penis look like? What’s a wiener? And why does Miss Veronica think that your explanation of sex is inaccurate? I’m confused.”

Kiel laughed.

“You interrupted to me just to ask me that? Syl, you want this to turn into an argument? Do you even know what a sausage looks like?”

"Not really."

Kiel rolled its eyes.

"Oh dear."

Syl looked at Kiel, confusing.

"What's wrong?"

Kiel leaned back on its chair, sighing.

"I guess your amnesia's worse than I thought. A sausage looks like this."

It traced an outline of a sausage in the air. When it was done, a glowing object appeared in the air, in the shape of a sausage.

"And this is what a sausage looks like," said Kiel, "Get it?"

"Kinda."

The glowing sausage disappeared in a flash of light.

"I just wonder why it's so long," said Syl, "humans are so perplexing."

"You bet. We've spent years studying them, and I still don't get them myself," said Kiel, "their society is very complex. I've worked for the porn industry for years, and I still haven't been able to understand why people like sexual depictions that much or masturbation. I would say pleasure, but I find it confusing as well that such and organ would be built for that, knowing that it would be the reason being the ruination of many lives in the form of rape and murder."

Syl shrugged.

“I just want to learn more about humanity. Didn’t you say before that we only stop learning when we die?”

“We never stop learning,” corrected Kiel, “I suppose I did say that, but…”

Syl turned to Veronica.

“Can you tell me more about humanity? How’s my sibling wrong about it?”

[citizenmike]

Veronica took a look at the figure of a sausage Kiel had drawn in the air and said, "They aren't that big!"

“Can you tell me more about humanity? How’s my sibling wrong about it?”
Veronica turned to Syl and replied, "He isn't entirely wrong, its just his view, while extremely logical, is just somewhat twisted. Humanity is a very complex things. We're separated by so many things... By gender, by race, by creed, by religion, by sex, and by culture. Everyone's different. Its an interesting melting pot of extremes that somehow seem to balance things out."