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Post by Nusha on Feb 15, 2009 11:11:38 GMT -5
As she came to, she noticed the cold, hard floor against her back. Her head was pounding. Really, whoever knocked her out was a dead man. Or woman, for that matter.
She groaned as she struggled to her knees, looking around. The room she was in was pure white. Whoever's house this was, they had no originalisty. Even the doorknob was white. She had never seen a white doorknob before. Have you?
Crawling silently towards the door, she touched the doorknob, turning it, opening the door. She looked out into the corridor. Suprise suprise, the corridor was white too. Maybe she was in a hospital? That would have made sense, she dicided, as she noticed a large sign on the door, painted in bold, red colour.
Room #4.
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Post by citizenmike on Feb 16, 2009 7:28:18 GMT -5
I like how you played out her confusion at the end, how she wondered if she was in a hospital on account of her confusion and the white all over the room. I just wish you could have expanded on something, maybe have her interact with her surroundings a bit more. Overall, its a great start.
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Post by Nusha on Feb 16, 2009 16:21:22 GMT -5
Should I edit it, or should I leave it? I can fix it if you hink ti'll help ^^
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Post by Trist on Feb 16, 2009 16:48:21 GMT -5
Should I edit it, or should I leave it? I can fix it if you hink ti'll help ^^ u leave it the way it is....you just take in the comments and use what knowledge you gained for next time...thats kind of how this system works...when we start getting into the points and such...then it will become more important it is left alone and stands on its own and that you gain experience and better each each weeks next rp
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Post by Nusha on Feb 16, 2009 16:50:00 GMT -5
Oki doki
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Post by Trist on Feb 19, 2009 22:23:37 GMT -5
Mike pretty much nailed it expansion is the key....though im sure since your new to this you will be fine later...just make sure you read others rps and get a feel for things...the more we get into the workings of animus and such i am sure you will have much more to say and write about..great job and great having you as a part of animus city.
Trist
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