Post by Lain on Jul 19, 2009 19:14:28 GMT -5
I apologize diary, my words and thoughts are jumbled together, as if they have tackled one another and are rolling down a hill.
It is utterly exhausting attempting to sort them..
But here i am, trying.
Dear Diary..
I am not the person i used to be.
I grow sick of this existence i so lovingly call life, I'm sick of being looked on as the pathetic elf that needs a guardian.
I'm sick of being sweet and cheerful.
I'm sick of no one listening to me or taking anything i say, think or do seriously.
I'm sick of how they all assume i am fine, ignoring when i am scared.
I'm sick of being told that everything will be alright, Who are they to know this?
I may not know who i really am, but i do know enough to be able to say this.
How can they act as if they understand me when i don't even understand myself?
I am a mass of mixed emotions and thoughts, caught in the tide and swept away.
When i leave this place no one will care, i could disappear and no one would notice.
My imprint on this world is smaller than i am, i don't want to feel insignificant anymore.
I will not get lost in your forrest. I need to find who i am, what i stand for. I cannot do this if i am continuously in his shadow, being his pathetic responsibility.
I am starting to believe that you can only trust and rely on yourself, i refuse to continue to pretend that i am fine.
I don't want to be the small child they can giggle with, the girl that is only seen as the "Kid sister."
I will breakaway.
Because i can't do this anymore.
I feel i grow closer to finding out who i am everyday, ever since i was brought back, but in order to make any progress i must chase it, grab it by the tail
and run with it.
Daemon had the right idea when he left and I will do the same.
You are the only one i have told about my course of action.
I will not say goodbye to him, only he will understand why.
So please close your eyes, as i start to fade. I can no longer force a smile upon my lips.
Do not judge me, you don't know who i am.
I Cannot call myself Lain anymore, for she is who i am trying to leave behind.
Elaindria was my name, but i am not that person.
Not yet.
So until then.. Elain will do.
'Till we meet again, or until i have at least made some progress in my quest..
Yours, lost and confused.
Elain.
It is utterly exhausting attempting to sort them..
But here i am, trying.
Dear Diary..
I am not the person i used to be.
I grow sick of this existence i so lovingly call life, I'm sick of being looked on as the pathetic elf that needs a guardian.
I'm sick of being sweet and cheerful.
I'm sick of no one listening to me or taking anything i say, think or do seriously.
I'm sick of how they all assume i am fine, ignoring when i am scared.
I'm sick of being told that everything will be alright, Who are they to know this?
I may not know who i really am, but i do know enough to be able to say this.
How can they act as if they understand me when i don't even understand myself?
I am a mass of mixed emotions and thoughts, caught in the tide and swept away.
When i leave this place no one will care, i could disappear and no one would notice.
My imprint on this world is smaller than i am, i don't want to feel insignificant anymore.
I will not get lost in your forrest. I need to find who i am, what i stand for. I cannot do this if i am continuously in his shadow, being his pathetic responsibility.
I am starting to believe that you can only trust and rely on yourself, i refuse to continue to pretend that i am fine.
I don't want to be the small child they can giggle with, the girl that is only seen as the "Kid sister."
I will breakaway.
Because i can't do this anymore.
I feel i grow closer to finding out who i am everyday, ever since i was brought back, but in order to make any progress i must chase it, grab it by the tail
and run with it.
Daemon had the right idea when he left and I will do the same.
You are the only one i have told about my course of action.
I will not say goodbye to him, only he will understand why.
So please close your eyes, as i start to fade. I can no longer force a smile upon my lips.
Do not judge me, you don't know who i am.
I Cannot call myself Lain anymore, for she is who i am trying to leave behind.
Elaindria was my name, but i am not that person.
Not yet.
So until then.. Elain will do.
'Till we meet again, or until i have at least made some progress in my quest..
Yours, lost and confused.
Elain.