Post by Geinkotsu on Oct 27, 2009 14:39:54 GMT -5
Dear journal,
The past month has been a very exciting one, one that I probably wouldn’t trade for anything, not even the lives of my family. I realize what happens cannot be avoided. People can’t go back through the past to stop it, people can only help those events move along. I know this, and I accept this. But I’m not sure how to deal with it now that everyone I know seems to have vanished.
A month ago, I mysteriously came to this place they call Animus. I wandered the streets with sorrow, even though I couldn’t get myself to show it. I eventually came to this hotel of sorts and met two strangers, who later seemed the nicest one could get in Animus. Their names are Veronica and Johnny, both seem to love each other dearly. And I hope that Animus doesn’t rip that away from them. This place is like a time void, people are stuck here because they unconsciously want to be, they deeply feel they must be here. And for some, they are dragged here against there will and are able to leave at some point. But everyone has been trapped here, be it from demons, or be it from their own wish. At that moment of realization, I couldn’t stand by anymore, I had to do something. I saved those two’s lives, and a few others that day. A man that they seem to hate dearly destroyed the building, but everyone got out safely without much harm. Though it destroyed my favorite shirt. Fucking bastard, that was the only momentum I had left of my dead brother. All I have now are my blood filled memories.
I disappeared after that. I was upset. I was alone. And I didn’t want anyone to bother me as I sorted through my emotions and memories. I left without a trace, silencing my aura and wandering the sewers in darkness. Only coming above the streets as night cast itself upon the skies. For a sewer, it was unexpectedly not as gross as it would have seemed. I stayed that way for about a month, living of water and a few pieces of bread since I don’t need to eat much to survive. During that time of darkness, I hated myself, I hated others as well. I didn’t want people to lie to me, I didn’t want them to say ‘everything is going to be okay’. Nothing is ever okay, and we all know that. This city is damned, there is nothing we can do to change that. It makes no sense as of why anyone would lie to themselves and say ‘its alright’, ‘I’m fine’, ‘It’ll be okay’. There is no such thing as those lies, we are never fine, and nothing is ever alright. In the end, we are always dealing with our problems silently, thinking of how horrible and tragic it was, how it will never be okay. Yet they say those things. Humans are truly strange.
I left my hiding only yesterday, retrieving new cloths since my old ones were ruined. I walked the streets with no goal, no intentions of the slightest. I just walked to enjoy the sunlight, the endless blue skies and winds that rustles the trees. But today, I met a group of people, all of them strange, and three of them I am already starting to dislike.
I’ve already met Veronica and Jonny, both are very average and nice people. They care for others and are use to the events that occur in Animus. I wish to get to know them, and I hope that we can become friends.
Tommy... he is a strange character. He seems troubled by something, even though he hides it through gimmicks and laughter. Something that I cannot place. But even so, I can’t let that be an excuse for him to kill people. I know of the mindless, they’ve seemingly lost their souls and will, only remembering the job they are supposed to do and nothing more. Tommy killed one without a second thought... I know they might not ever return to normal. But there could be a chance, there is always a chance for those to regain what they’ve lost. So why would anyone kill the innocent when they could be restored somehow? Perhaps its just wishful thinking, or perhaps its just my hatred for death that is consuming my thoughts. Tommy, overall seems to be a very deeply disturbed clown, but there’s something else simmering in him. Perhaps subtle sorrow, or anger towards something or someone. I can’t place that now, but perhaps later if I meet him again.
Mr. Happy... a strange man as well. There really isn’t much to say about him, but Tommy seems to be at ease with him. They are a pair that one couldn’t easily rip apart. They are like brothers, only death could take away their happiness, but one cannot truly die unless they are erased from memory. Even so, this man is disturbed, very deeply strange. But who am I to judge? They might see me as disturbed for not thinking their jokes are funny, or for being so emotionless at times of tragedy. But that is what keeps me going, its what keeps me alive. I can think clearly without my emotions tugging at my thoughts and my actions. Its also what saved these strangers from the hotel.
Selice, she is a very innocent woman. Her thoughts are revolved around others and their well-being, and of preventing people getting hurt. I could tell she was easily upset when she could feel the deaths of many near the bomb-site. She is easily swayed by emotions, but perhaps that is what keeps her going. I wish I could help her, but I can’t bring myself to lie to her.
Asarek seems a very subtle man on the outside, but very unnerved by much. I could tell with his movements that he was afraid of nearing people, afraid of them hurting him or possibly him ending up hurting them. He is kind, but very fragile and weak. I’m sure he could hold his own in a fight for a while, but it wouldn’t be long before he would have to relinquish his physical attempts and try something else to save his or someone else’s life. For instance, that strange child like man that hangs onto his arm. When I saw Syl, it reminded me of my younger brother. Joyous and happy, always curious and ready to adventure along with anyone it wanted to befriend. They were so alike, it almost hurt to look at it.
Mr. Psycho, he is one I would love to be rid of. He kills for fun, and he does it for amusement... or perhaps his line of thinking is different than that of which I assume. Perhaps he thinks, like the rest, that mindless are better off dead. That they would want death rather than doing the same things over every day and having no choice or will left in them. It’s a sad life to live, but death is never the way out, people shouldn’t play god over people and kill them on a whim. I dislike Mr. Psycho for this reason, his actions are swift and violent towards his intention of killing, and it reminds me of my past. I dislike him, yet he picks at my interests. As if there is something there I could relate with, but there is nothing but jokes and laughs. This man makes me angry, just at the sight of him, yet makes me feel strangely at peace. I can’t explain this feeling exactly... there isn’t a way to explain it. But perhaps if I can get my mind off death, for once, I might be able to talk to Mr. P without trying to threaten or kill him.
Everyone else I didn’t get a chance to observe, I had to leave them because my emotions swayed around and were getting out of hand. Death is able to do this to me. I can’t bare to see anyone die, it’s like stabbing me in the chest with an ‘I.O.U’ tag. My village was murdered in less than a minute, an evil demon I thought was my family killed them all without a second thought. Then I was pulled here. Into Animus. Into this vague death trap they call a city.
Truthfully, I was never one to care, I always thought nothing could go wrong and that everything would be alright a long as I was with my family. But seeing that massacre, it changed me, it gave me these secret emotions that I try to lock away. I look like a human, but compressed with souls of thousands. I feel like a human, but I’ve no heart to bleed from. I am only a manifestation of what a human should be, I bleed because I am supposed to bleed, and I eat because I am supposed to be normal. I am supposed to be human, but I am not. I’m supposed to be something that was wanted, but ended up an outcast that everyone tends to hate. Humans, they say that heart is something you feel, something warm that you get when you look at your friends and your family. Its not something that you can just have, its something that you have to gain.
The human heart has hidden treasures. In secret kept, in silence sealed; the thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasured. Though to have lost their charm if slightly revealed. While lost in the Fame’s or Wealth’s illusion, the memory of the Past may die. But, there are hours of lonely musing, such as evening as silence comes. Then in our souls there seems to languish, a tender grief that is not woe; thoughts that once wrung groans of sorrow, now cause but some mild tears to flow. The human heart and ones soul, one would think it is the same. However, I know the difference, for I’ve not yet come to gain this feeling. Or is it hiding in secret, waiting to reveal itself to me?
This human heart, a treasure itself. My soul is clouded with darkness, as my heart is kept in its sheath. But perhaps if I get to know these people, I might be able to feel what a Human Heart is supposed to be. I wish to know... what this warm feel is like when I look at them. I am on that path already, without even knowing. But even so, I wish to gain this heart, so I can feel what I am supposed to feel. These strangers hold my human heart.
The past month has been a very exciting one, one that I probably wouldn’t trade for anything, not even the lives of my family. I realize what happens cannot be avoided. People can’t go back through the past to stop it, people can only help those events move along. I know this, and I accept this. But I’m not sure how to deal with it now that everyone I know seems to have vanished.
A month ago, I mysteriously came to this place they call Animus. I wandered the streets with sorrow, even though I couldn’t get myself to show it. I eventually came to this hotel of sorts and met two strangers, who later seemed the nicest one could get in Animus. Their names are Veronica and Johnny, both seem to love each other dearly. And I hope that Animus doesn’t rip that away from them. This place is like a time void, people are stuck here because they unconsciously want to be, they deeply feel they must be here. And for some, they are dragged here against there will and are able to leave at some point. But everyone has been trapped here, be it from demons, or be it from their own wish. At that moment of realization, I couldn’t stand by anymore, I had to do something. I saved those two’s lives, and a few others that day. A man that they seem to hate dearly destroyed the building, but everyone got out safely without much harm. Though it destroyed my favorite shirt. Fucking bastard, that was the only momentum I had left of my dead brother. All I have now are my blood filled memories.
I disappeared after that. I was upset. I was alone. And I didn’t want anyone to bother me as I sorted through my emotions and memories. I left without a trace, silencing my aura and wandering the sewers in darkness. Only coming above the streets as night cast itself upon the skies. For a sewer, it was unexpectedly not as gross as it would have seemed. I stayed that way for about a month, living of water and a few pieces of bread since I don’t need to eat much to survive. During that time of darkness, I hated myself, I hated others as well. I didn’t want people to lie to me, I didn’t want them to say ‘everything is going to be okay’. Nothing is ever okay, and we all know that. This city is damned, there is nothing we can do to change that. It makes no sense as of why anyone would lie to themselves and say ‘its alright’, ‘I’m fine’, ‘It’ll be okay’. There is no such thing as those lies, we are never fine, and nothing is ever alright. In the end, we are always dealing with our problems silently, thinking of how horrible and tragic it was, how it will never be okay. Yet they say those things. Humans are truly strange.
I left my hiding only yesterday, retrieving new cloths since my old ones were ruined. I walked the streets with no goal, no intentions of the slightest. I just walked to enjoy the sunlight, the endless blue skies and winds that rustles the trees. But today, I met a group of people, all of them strange, and three of them I am already starting to dislike.
I’ve already met Veronica and Jonny, both are very average and nice people. They care for others and are use to the events that occur in Animus. I wish to get to know them, and I hope that we can become friends.
Tommy... he is a strange character. He seems troubled by something, even though he hides it through gimmicks and laughter. Something that I cannot place. But even so, I can’t let that be an excuse for him to kill people. I know of the mindless, they’ve seemingly lost their souls and will, only remembering the job they are supposed to do and nothing more. Tommy killed one without a second thought... I know they might not ever return to normal. But there could be a chance, there is always a chance for those to regain what they’ve lost. So why would anyone kill the innocent when they could be restored somehow? Perhaps its just wishful thinking, or perhaps its just my hatred for death that is consuming my thoughts. Tommy, overall seems to be a very deeply disturbed clown, but there’s something else simmering in him. Perhaps subtle sorrow, or anger towards something or someone. I can’t place that now, but perhaps later if I meet him again.
Mr. Happy... a strange man as well. There really isn’t much to say about him, but Tommy seems to be at ease with him. They are a pair that one couldn’t easily rip apart. They are like brothers, only death could take away their happiness, but one cannot truly die unless they are erased from memory. Even so, this man is disturbed, very deeply strange. But who am I to judge? They might see me as disturbed for not thinking their jokes are funny, or for being so emotionless at times of tragedy. But that is what keeps me going, its what keeps me alive. I can think clearly without my emotions tugging at my thoughts and my actions. Its also what saved these strangers from the hotel.
Selice, she is a very innocent woman. Her thoughts are revolved around others and their well-being, and of preventing people getting hurt. I could tell she was easily upset when she could feel the deaths of many near the bomb-site. She is easily swayed by emotions, but perhaps that is what keeps her going. I wish I could help her, but I can’t bring myself to lie to her.
Asarek seems a very subtle man on the outside, but very unnerved by much. I could tell with his movements that he was afraid of nearing people, afraid of them hurting him or possibly him ending up hurting them. He is kind, but very fragile and weak. I’m sure he could hold his own in a fight for a while, but it wouldn’t be long before he would have to relinquish his physical attempts and try something else to save his or someone else’s life. For instance, that strange child like man that hangs onto his arm. When I saw Syl, it reminded me of my younger brother. Joyous and happy, always curious and ready to adventure along with anyone it wanted to befriend. They were so alike, it almost hurt to look at it.
Mr. Psycho, he is one I would love to be rid of. He kills for fun, and he does it for amusement... or perhaps his line of thinking is different than that of which I assume. Perhaps he thinks, like the rest, that mindless are better off dead. That they would want death rather than doing the same things over every day and having no choice or will left in them. It’s a sad life to live, but death is never the way out, people shouldn’t play god over people and kill them on a whim. I dislike Mr. Psycho for this reason, his actions are swift and violent towards his intention of killing, and it reminds me of my past. I dislike him, yet he picks at my interests. As if there is something there I could relate with, but there is nothing but jokes and laughs. This man makes me angry, just at the sight of him, yet makes me feel strangely at peace. I can’t explain this feeling exactly... there isn’t a way to explain it. But perhaps if I can get my mind off death, for once, I might be able to talk to Mr. P without trying to threaten or kill him.
Everyone else I didn’t get a chance to observe, I had to leave them because my emotions swayed around and were getting out of hand. Death is able to do this to me. I can’t bare to see anyone die, it’s like stabbing me in the chest with an ‘I.O.U’ tag. My village was murdered in less than a minute, an evil demon I thought was my family killed them all without a second thought. Then I was pulled here. Into Animus. Into this vague death trap they call a city.
Truthfully, I was never one to care, I always thought nothing could go wrong and that everything would be alright a long as I was with my family. But seeing that massacre, it changed me, it gave me these secret emotions that I try to lock away. I look like a human, but compressed with souls of thousands. I feel like a human, but I’ve no heart to bleed from. I am only a manifestation of what a human should be, I bleed because I am supposed to bleed, and I eat because I am supposed to be normal. I am supposed to be human, but I am not. I’m supposed to be something that was wanted, but ended up an outcast that everyone tends to hate. Humans, they say that heart is something you feel, something warm that you get when you look at your friends and your family. Its not something that you can just have, its something that you have to gain.
The human heart has hidden treasures. In secret kept, in silence sealed; the thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasured. Though to have lost their charm if slightly revealed. While lost in the Fame’s or Wealth’s illusion, the memory of the Past may die. But, there are hours of lonely musing, such as evening as silence comes. Then in our souls there seems to languish, a tender grief that is not woe; thoughts that once wrung groans of sorrow, now cause but some mild tears to flow. The human heart and ones soul, one would think it is the same. However, I know the difference, for I’ve not yet come to gain this feeling. Or is it hiding in secret, waiting to reveal itself to me?
This human heart, a treasure itself. My soul is clouded with darkness, as my heart is kept in its sheath. But perhaps if I get to know these people, I might be able to feel what a Human Heart is supposed to be. I wish to know... what this warm feel is like when I look at them. I am on that path already, without even knowing. But even so, I wish to gain this heart, so I can feel what I am supposed to feel. These strangers hold my human heart.