pyro
Seedling
Posts: 31
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Post by pyro on Feb 21, 2009 19:48:03 GMT -5
As Mona gained conciousness, she found herself in a long corridor. She was slouched on the floor propped up by a wall covered with floral paper. In the corridor she noticed about ten doors leading off of the hall. 'This has to be some crappy hotel' She thought as she actually took notice of the wallpaper and tacky light fixtures. 'But how did I get here?' she wondered.
She tried standing up by herself but got dizzy and fell back down. This time she used the wall for support. As she stumbled along the hall she looked at all the doors. Only one had a handle...Room #4.
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Post by citizenmike on Feb 23, 2009 2:16:09 GMT -5
Overall good first post, I just wish that things could have been expanded more.
Feel free to rp on the play-by-post boards and try to get some interaction with the characters. And also post on the journal board, that way we read deeper into your characters.
Welcome to Animus and have fun!
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Post by Nusha on Feb 25, 2009 11:37:53 GMT -5
Cute post Jazzie! Ick, doors without handles, that'd be freaky
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Post by Trist on Feb 27, 2009 16:51:41 GMT -5
STORY: Its and awakening so the fact you woke up is good enough for me. haha.
5/5
FLOW: Same thing....its an awakening...im not expecting much.
5/5
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: eh little short...could have expanded more
3/5
GRAMMER/SPELLING: Looks ok to me haha.
5/5
Total: 18pts
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Post by citizenmike on Mar 2, 2009 12:16:12 GMT -5
Story: 4/5
Flow: 5/5
Character Development: 3/5
Grammar/Spelling: 5/5
Total: 17pts
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