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Post by charlescarlos on Feb 27, 2009 9:34:17 GMT -5
So I got up off the floor and looked out the window and there it was, a city.
The room was a Motel room, and on the bedside table was a Beef sandwich, its strange I am hungry. But first the use of a bathroom is necessary, the door creaked open. I pull the cord for the light because it's dark.....and the light revealed my face in the mirror.
I have short dark spiky hair, I'm young for what I can see; I'd say I am in my early Twenties? But my eyes decieve me... what have I seen? Those strange ageful eyes of mine....
So I use the bathroom, and then I ate the Sandwich on the Bed and I stare at the door......Rage is all I feel, my memory is so mixed up, I have no idea what is before me....just a city.
I'm dressed in Jeans, a blue Shirt, Black Leather Jacket and Boots. I open the Motel Door....
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Post by Trist on Feb 27, 2009 17:42:58 GMT -5
STORY: Its and awakening so the fact you woke up is good enough for me. haha.
5/5
FLOW: Same thing....its an awakening...im not expecting much.
5/5
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: eh little short...could have expanded more
3/5
GRAMMER/SPELLING: Looks ok to me haha.
5/5
Total: 18pts same thing again..again eat me
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Post by citizenmike on Mar 2, 2009 12:24:19 GMT -5
Overall, not a bad awakening. You could have gone into great detail in some areas, but not bad overall. There room for improvement, and that comes over time. In your coming rp's, I want you to focus on your character and your writing style. I can tell you're new and one of the great things about being a new writer is experimenting with different styles and techniques.
My scores:
Story: I'm with Rev on this one 5/5
Flow: 3/5
Character development: 4/5
Grammar/Spelling: 4/5
Total: 16 pts
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